I'm not very good at drawing buildings

I can't even pretend I am. 

Still, not like I'll get any better if I don't draw, so there. 

Characters, creatures, objects and buildings. That's the stuff that needs drawing.

Maybe. Something.

I need to draw Something // Funny consciousness thingy

Practice. Based on a Sargent sketch. I need to draw lots, lots, lots more

I still have no strong desire or drive towards anything, but I think I can pretend I do, which may be enough to get my body moving, which is the important part. So, I'm trying to see if I can act (do stuff) by acting (pretending I'm someone motivated).

Now, it's very clear to me, that the part of me thinking in words, the one who tells me a story about who I am, is not actually the part of me that controls my actions. I _think_ it's the part that listens to the story, so it's somewhat possible for me to convince myself sometimes. However, it seems to be horribly unreliable -- basically, I don't listen to myself, I guess.

I still hate myself.

Not much here to see. Go read
http://www.agirlandherfed.com/

I'm really rather annoyed that I need to be in a sufficient amount of trouble to be functional.

Something nicer

Mm... Not completely horrible. Pretty bad, still.

I promised Ben something

It's not much of anything, though. I have some other doodles, too, but nothing relevant.

Despair and Depression

I seem to be doing worse. It's been eleven years, this fall, since I started at the university, and I keep on falling back to nothing.

I think one of the worst things that could happen to me, would be suddenly gaining a lot of money. It's quite possible I'd never do anything at all, if that would happen.  On the other hand, worrying about money is a total mind-killer for me.

Sometimes I miss those deepest parts of sleep, when there are no thoughts or sensations.

I think I've mentioned I sometimes draw in my dreams.  I had an informative one a few nights ago.  Apparently, I've drawn one hundred and thirty-five comic pages when dreaming. It's a shame...

The reason I'm not drawing is probably the same I'm not doing much of anything else, either. I have almost no desire or passion...  Strictly speaking, I'm doing actually BETTER today, since I'm capable of writing, but I was feeling terribly down last night.  I can hardly believe I actually drew what little comic there is currently, it actually seems beyond my ability to draw, focus and  organize.

Mmohdear....

Bite Me!

I know there's a lot of noise about this already, but it's really quite good.

Today's agenda:

• Walking
• Drawing
• Schoolwork
• Sauna
• Job Hunting