Thursday, February 24, 2011

Despair and Depression

I seem to be doing worse. It's been eleven years, this fall, since I started at the university, and I keep on falling back to nothing.

I think one of the worst things that could happen to me, would be suddenly gaining a lot of money. It's quite possible I'd never do anything at all, if that would happen.  On the other hand, worrying about money is a total mind-killer for me.

Sometimes I miss those deepest parts of sleep, when there are no thoughts or sensations.

I think I've mentioned I sometimes draw in my dreams.  I had an informative one a few nights ago.  Apparently, I've drawn one hundred and thirty-five comic pages when dreaming. It's a shame...

The reason I'm not drawing is probably the same I'm not doing much of anything else, either. I have almost no desire or passion...  Strictly speaking, I'm doing actually BETTER today, since I'm capable of writing, but I was feeling terribly down last night.  I can hardly believe I actually drew what little comic there is currently, it actually seems beyond my ability to draw, focus and  organize.

Mmohdear....

3 comments:

Ben said...

Is it the winter?

Is it something else?

Are we human, or are we dancers?

If you had the capability to do something once, forget that you ever lacked the capability and pick up where you left off. The darkness will end soon.

I wrote some yesterday--finally found some time. I'm still the same writer, only more experienced with life.

Danny said...

You must do what you really want to do. What you are most afraid of doing. You must do it.

Esa Karjalainen said...

Danny's advice is actually kind of good. Most fears are trivial and fodder for overcoming.