I'm honestly drunk

Honestly, as in with out a doubt.

Many brain cells (bothans) died to bring you this information.

Okay, so my goal is to be a honest drunk. Least I can do.

I keep hearing these stories of people with memory loss, or loss of inhibitions, when sufficiently sauced, so to speak. My current state of inebriation is due to my workplace peer pressure and me most likely possessing the alcoholist gene. In any case, as I suffer no memory loss, and a limited amount of control loss, I intend to make the most out of it ( many brain cells died etc. )

So, what can I tell you?

• With my age and training injuries, I have a bunch of constant sources of pain (injuries) which stop bugging me when I'm sufficiently drugged, or drunk.
• While I'm having trouble focusing my eyes, I retain a majority of my cognitive capacity.

Regarding the second point, I hear that there's a risk of mixing the inane with the profound, so YMMV.

I am, as a concept, interested in the concept of altered states of consciousness, but as a rule, anything that diminishes my general cognitive ability in the long term, is out of the question. Brain cell death due to alcohol, happens occasionally, and mostly due to a combination of (alcoholism gene excuse) + (peer pressure). 

Why you no draw? 

Mm.. okay, I can haz scanner, but it might-or-might-not be a contributor to OS crashes I've been suffering lately. Also, my day job as a software developer, is not super-conductive towards putting drawing medium on a drawing surface. ( not sure if that makes sense ) 

Why I still wanna draw? 

I have dream notebooks. That is, books of about 1/2 inch thick, hardcover, which are filled with comics and drawings from start to end. I see them in my dreams. 

In other words, I dream stories, and even when I don't, I dream scenes. These are draw-worthy. Especially, as my skill is still better than 80-90% of existing web comics. 

(my most recent High Quality web comic discovery being Spinnerette. )

The second part

I may have mentioned this before, but people who don't suffer from depression don't --- can't really understand it.

Right now I'm in a relatively sweet situation, all things considered. Yet, I still get moments where I feel that, that nothing matters and it would be better to just sleep 'til death.

I'm on medication, so it's just moments and not days, and I'm moderately quick to take a hammer to such thoughts - knowing I have depression helps in recognizing these thought patterns which are outside my agenda.

It's a little bit like if, say, your arm was broken.
And you were ashamed of the fact you had a broken arm.
And people told you to just get over it, to get a grip.
And you wanted to get better and do well,
And the pain wasn't so bad anyway,
But you still couldn't get a grip and things kept slipping from your fingers.

It's kind of like that.