Some 'splainin

Okay, so my keyboard broke - or possibly the PS/2 connector on the motherboard, I'm not sure. To sum, I can only use mouse on my desktop machine, right now. 

There's also trouble and stuff, I'll elaborate if it's relevant after a while. 

I saw my dream notebook again.

It was interesting, obviously. This time, I saw a lot of moody and dark stuff in it.

I also dreamed a nearly complete story about a... well, it gets really complicated. It was about a shapeshifting two-hundred and forty-six year old amnesiac hero who cut off his head to forget traumatic events, thus submerging underneath a different shape and personality - only one of the personalities remembered everything, the others were unaware of each other, and none controlled the shapeshifting - the character's appereance just changed, depending on which personality was in control.

The story was about saving a bunch of genetically engineered children from an evil organization, which used insects and insect-based monsters, as well as owning a mundane private military, as well as learning to cope with oneself -

Oh, and there was an immortal deep sea anemone woman, who was apparently the mother of one of the children.

No wonder I sometimes prefer sleeping to being awake....

I'm not very good at drawing buildings

I can't even pretend I am. 

Still, not like I'll get any better if I don't draw, so there. 

Characters, creatures, objects and buildings. That's the stuff that needs drawing.

Maybe. Something.

I need to draw Something // Funny consciousness thingy

Practice. Based on a Sargent sketch. I need to draw lots, lots, lots more

I still have no strong desire or drive towards anything, but I think I can pretend I do, which may be enough to get my body moving, which is the important part. So, I'm trying to see if I can act (do stuff) by acting (pretending I'm someone motivated).

Now, it's very clear to me, that the part of me thinking in words, the one who tells me a story about who I am, is not actually the part of me that controls my actions. I _think_ it's the part that listens to the story, so it's somewhat possible for me to convince myself sometimes. However, it seems to be horribly unreliable -- basically, I don't listen to myself, I guess.

I still hate myself.

Not much here to see. Go read
http://www.agirlandherfed.com/

I'm really rather annoyed that I need to be in a sufficient amount of trouble to be functional.